A2A

 

Thank you Chris for asking me this question.

 

My answer would be, “Yes.”

 

I don’t see having goals and going with the flow as mutually exclusive.

 

Meaning, I personally believe and have seen it play out much better when people have an over all general sense of what they want the big picture to look like. Do you want to be married, do you not care about marriage, do you want children or not, what behavioral traits would be a match (like when on vacation are they the relax on the beach and not move for a week or do they get active go diving, surfing, and do stuff) how do you see a romantic relationship playing out in real life, meaning how do you communicate, trust, respect, demonstrate love to one another. What does that look like.

 

It matters because in the long run it will matter. And if you have the bigger picture in mind, you will choose more in alignment with that and increase your chances of having a stronger, longer lasting relationship. This is not to say you might not end up with the same results by just going with the flow, but once in the relationship, it would likely take a lot more work to make it last and find solid common ground.

 

But when you say aiming for things you may never achieve, if you are taking a super granular perspective and hoping for the 5′9″ blonde model, who speaks seven languages has her own business and is uber successful, and looks at you every day is a very specific way, etc. etc. then I would say to get centered and think deeply about why you believe you need that specific outcome. What does it mean to you to get that? Why is that your ideal relationship and where did that idea come from?

 

But if all you are saying is that all you have seen in life are couples that fight, get married, get divorced and you don’t believe you can achieve a long lasting loving relationship. I would say you can, but you would need to work on who you are, what you believe is real and possible in the world, and what you believe is real and possible for you, before you go out in the world to find a romantic relationship.

 

Hope this answer is helpful